Ch. 5 – Opener

This chapter is easily the darkest so I also made it the shortest. Like political drama its best not to dwell on negativity.
There is no “right way” to do comedy, only many wrong ways. Unfortunately, this will not stop an ocean of people from pointing out everything they think you’re doing wrong and all the things you should be doing to satisfy their sense of propriety. While some of their advice will be useful and profound, most of it will be little more than an attempt to be relevant by parroting things they’ve heard. Try to develop a personal instinct first and avoid assigning too much value to the opinions of other comedians… because I promise you this; you will meet some VERY damaged people. People that will gaslight you, say you’re “not funny” right after they see you crush, call you a hack on FB when they’ve never even seen your set… you name it.

I’ve seen a comic labeled as a “belligerent drunk” because she went over her time by 1:45 and “drove home after she drank whiskey”. The next day the story morphed into her “being a Trump supporter” which was total B.S. Never mind the fact that she was a new comic that DESTROYED that room, let’s attack her character based on behavior that dozens of comics (let alone people) are guilty of every night. I’ve even been called a “transphobe” for writing jokes about travels with my trans girlfriend (who was at that show the entire time) never mind that I crushed that audience and she loved my set… a somewhat straight presenting queer guy said trans woman and that was enough to fire up the presses… this week he’s this kind of problematic, let see if it works! Most recently I was labeled a misogynist after exposing lifted material at the very comedy class you saw earlier, “because they were all women ”… when the class is all women and I didnt make the rules. So unless it’s somehow less sexist to suggest charging damn near $500 for a comedy class and 5 minutes of time so long as it only rinses prospective female comics of their money, then I fail to see how suggesting they teach them something for $500 makes me sexist. But this is all par for the course, when you’ve lived and performed in multiple cities you start to see the matrix a little bit. The tactics become predictable. For example when a clique tries to assassinate someone’s character, you’ll find they always follow the same progression of narratives… First they say “they aren’t funny” and when they prove that to be dead wrong the clique adapts to something more sinister but also, crucially more subjective like; they’re “creepy” or “make me uncomfortable”, and finally if that doesn’t throw you off your game they start using generic PC buzz words to label you as various shades of problematic; racist, Nazi, right-wing, incel, abuser, sexist, homophobic, etc. If you’re dumb enough to try to defend yourself they’ll just call you a mansplainer or an apologist depending on your gender. Quite literally anything you can say can and will be construed and held against you in a court of public opinion to harm your character and outgroup you further. The secret is to let it wash over you. Let their impotent rage swell and swell until nothing happens because the joke is on them… after all you’re not the person they want people to think you are and time will be the true arbiter. You’re probably just funnier than they were at your experience level and they know it. Don’t give them any energy and don’t give in to the political bee hive. Just listen to the AUDIENCE and keep doing what really pissed them off in the first place, getting funnier and funnier with each passing day. Because that’s really all you can do. Just remember that one day you’ll have the clout they so frivolously fought for and when that day comes many of the scene rats who propped up those failed narratives will all suddenly want to be your friend. Overnight, all the people that were too afraid to go to bat for you when they knew the truth will tell everyone they “came up” with you… like you had sleep overs in middle school. The whole thing is cringe but it’s just one of the many joys you probably have to look forward to as a working comedian… especially if you start producing more than politicking.

Real cancel culture (doxing bigots and problematic people out of positions of power) is an extremely important part of societal growth in the modern age, but sadly most comedians that engage in it towards other comedians are simply masquerading their jealousy as contempt in an attempt to signal their way into relevance. Especially if the victim of that character assassination just happens to be a person below them on a fast come up. Sadly, it’s super common for local comics to get accusatory in the face of getting lapped by what they see as their competition. Give credit where credit is due or BE WARNED. If you go down this road yourself one day, good luck. You will quickly find yourself in the company of scene rats repeating false narratives to prop up their perceived place in a status quo. You’ll have lots of fake friends, but in truth it’s not unlike a cult. The actions of their gatekeepers are beyond questioning and their tenets are entirely exculpatory and hypocritical. Like the mob it’s easy to join but near impossible to leave without insult and injury. This chapter will teach you to simply learn to identify negative influences and ignore them like an adult.